DEAR Janice, my driving instructor is wonderful.
I’ve never looked forward to a lesson so much in my life. He’s a bit older than me (I’m 18), but I don’t see that as a problem.
The only thing is, despite the lack of a wedding ring, I don’t know if he’s married or has a girlfriend.
I tried to allude to what he was doing on Valentine’s Day, but he changed the subject.
How do I get her to take the next step and ask me out? Or should I take the first step and ask him?
Dear Gemma, only if you want to embarrass yourself. No, don’t ask him out. The reality is that he’s in a relationship, knows you’re too young, or doesn’t like you. As simple as that.
This guy’s reputation as an instructor could be at stake if he puts himself in a compromising position, since you can’t see that he has any connections with his young students. I mean, what parent would entrust their teenager with him? Leave him alone and find someone your own age. Also, have you ever heard the saying “attract, not chase”? Try it.
Dear Janice, my family is in conflict over our mother. She is almost 90 and frail, and we also noticed her dementia was getting worse.
Caregivers come a few times a day and we call whenever we can in shifts, but I worry about her safety when she is alone. She could fall, wander outside, open the door for strangers (she has a doorbell camera), there is so much to worry about.
I think she’d be better off in a nursing home, but she’s adamant she’s not going anywhere, and my brothers think we should let her live out her final years in her own home. But it’s not as simple as that.
How can I convince them that she would be better off and safer with round-the-clock care?
Every time I talk about it, we end up rowing and Mom gets mad.
Dear Margaret, first and foremost, you shouldn’t have these discussions or arguments in front of your mother. It will only confuse and upset her.
From experience, I have found that there are very few older people who will willingly go to a nursing home, or anywhere outside of their own home for that matter. So asking her what she wants is not the best option.
Truth be told, she won’t improve mentally or physically, so you’re right to be concerned for her safety and well-being.
It’s about thinking rationally with your head and not with your heart, which is hard when it’s someone you love.
I suggest you consider respite care for her at a local care home for a few weeks, and go from there.
Once there, many residents find they appreciate the company and attention they miss during long periods of time alone at home. It also gives you the peace of mind of knowing that she is fed, bathed, is taking regular medication and is safe.
Ultimately, his well-being should be everyone’s primary concern. I hope you can all at least agree on that.
Dear Janice, I really tried, but I can’t forgive my husband for visiting prostitutes. I discovered that this has been happening (even during confinement), for several years.
We have been married for 35 years and I thought we were happy, although looking back we had rarely had sex in the last few years, but I just assumed he had stopped. I never thought for a second that he was looking away. Silly, but I could almost forgive him if he had an affair.
He’s been a good husband and father and he promises me he’s quit, but I can’t trust him anymore.
How can we overcome this?
Dear Jean, sexual gratification without love has been sought by men (and women) since the dawn of time, and to this day we will never fully understand it.
You think it might not be so awful if he had an affair, but affairs usually come with emotions and feelings, which would have brought its own set of problems.
I suggest you seek professional help rather than throwing your life together.
A trained counselor can help you understand your feelings, which in turn can persuade your husband to seek couples therapy.
They can help you overcome the disillusionment (did you ever really know this man?) and the pain you will feel. You need to have the courage to face what happened and know that you can have a future together, despite his infidelity. But in order to be able to lead a life together, it is necessary to learn to live with a different reality, and as the shock of your husband’s behavior fades, you can hopefully forgive him and enjoy again. family life.
As you said, he was a good husband and a good father, so it might be worth trying to make things work.
If all else fails and you can’t get over this, then at least you know you did your best to keep your family together.